Look No Further

I've found in my life that there are some things which never cease to make me happy.


I don't think there's anything that can make me feel quite the same as when I'm sitting with my laptop on my lap, a cup of hot tea in my hand, facing a large set of windows that look out on a grey, rainy day with soft and mellow music in the background.

Its at times like these, when I think that I am far too content with being alone.
I have no qualms about being by myself, especially in moments like these. I can hear myself think when I'm alone. I can spend time thinking about life and all of its intricacies.

There are a few things, however, which would complete the picture and take my momentary happiness to a level of quiet euphoria that I can't even comprehend.
A good book, in addition to this already beautiful setting, would be most pleasing.
A delicious slice of New York Cheesecake with strawberries and whipped cream for undivided indulgence could potentially send me over the edge; a large, shaggy, happy, golden retreiver asleep at my feet for some companionship, and the sounds of life which accompany those rare, hidden spots of commerce that only appear when you're not looking for them: hole-in-the-wall bookshops, lined with shelves of dusty novels and treasures of the like, quaint and lifelike coffee houses that roast their own beans, and small, boutique cafes with well-travelled and ancient customers, holding thousands of incredible stories waiting to be told.

Mmmm.....

I have a new favorite song.
The lyrics are what I love the most about it.

I might have been a singer
who sailed around the world
A gambler who made millions
and spent it all on girls

I might have been a poet
who walked upon the moon
A scientist who would tell the world
I discovered something new

I might have loved a King
and been the one to end a war
a criminal who drinks champagne
and never could be caught

But among your books
among your clothes
among the noise and fuss
I've let it go

I can't stop and catch my breath
and look no further for happiness
and I will not turn again
'cause my heart has found its home

Everyone I'll never meet
and the friends I won't now make
The adventures that they could have been
and the risks I'll never take

But among your books
among your clothes
among your noise and fuss
I've let it go

I can't stop and catch my breath
and look no further for happiness
and I will not turn again
'cause my heart has found its home

Look No Further- Dido

I love the lyrics.
It's a quiet sort of reminder to find contentment.

I overcame my writer's block, finally.
I was able to write for almost three hours yesterday.... I'm really excited about this story.
I can't wait to see where it takes me. :)

Well, its time for me to log off.
I've been on this computer for a few hours now, and its time to make another cup of tea, get out the stack of books I'm reading, and have a little party.
Before I go, I'll post the list of the books I'm reading through right now, just in case you're interested. ^.^

Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot
The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
My Life in France by Julia Child
Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis
The Tell Tale Heart and Other Works by Edgar Allen Poe
Macbeth by, well, you know, Shakespeare
and not to mention my Bible.

Whew, that's quite a stack..... I'm quite proud of my little stack of literature.
It's like every new book I read, I'm raking in more literary knowledge...it's a sort of high.
I feel like I'm a pathological gambler, only I'm reading instead of playing cards.

Anyways, another lengthy, rambly blog update for you. Enjoy. :)

New Lyrics

I've written a few new songs recently...
Haven't felt well enough (I've been sick this week) to sit down and put them to music, but here are the lyrics.

Falling

As I stand/
with my feet in the sand/
the wind is killing the silence/
I think of the day/
I first heard you say/
all we are is empty and senseless/

but I think that we
fall in and out of love
every day/
as I watch you walk away-
I feel my heart flooded by a wave/
of overwhelming fear

I have waited/
argued and debated/
to find the cure for growing up/
nothing will fix/
that which we miss/
all we know is falling down/

but I think that we
fall in and out of love
every day/
we just ride the surftide/
until the perfect wave
comes crashing down/
and as I watch you walk away
I realize I've found my perfect wave/
and I'm ready to fall into the ocean/

So don't walk away/
don't turn me down-
don't walk away
cuz I need you now/
I'm ready to fall into the ocean-
to fall in and out of love everyday-
ready to fall into the ocean/
I'll fall into the ocean-
I'm falling into you.........


Song#2 (currently untitled)

I've got a bruse from where they stuck the needle in/
the blood flows from the walls to save my life again/
how much more can they ask from this life of pain/
this misery taunts me with how alone I am/
and the chip on my shoulder is only the tip/
of what's left of my lonely, broken heart/

*chorus*
the corners of my mind are drawing a blank/
and its your memory which makes me stay/
but I can't live like this-
you won't remember this/
so put on your mask
and wash your hands/
put on your mask
and wash your hands/

lying on the table, the procedure's begun/
leaving behind a life of empty, load your gun/
I don't understand, aren't we all meant for someone?/
I wanna know when its my turn to fall in love/
and in a sea of people calling out to me-
I only wanna hear you whisper my name/

*
the corners of my mind are drawing a blank/
and its your memory which makes me stay/
but I can't live like this/
and you won't remember this/
so put on your mask
and wash your hands/
put on your mask
and wash your hands/

there's a cross to bear and a promise to swear-
as the monitor stops and the IVs tear-
there's a cross to bear and a promise to swear-
and I bet you wouldn't even care to share-
how you gave us a scare?-
how you gave us a scare-
ssh, honey, don't you dare-
you gave us a scare-
so don't you dare try and tell me
this wasn't fair..............




Marty and Mira (this song actually does have music :)

Marty and Mira/
speak French to each other/
Marty and Mira/
go dancing in the orchard/
across the Calico bay/

Marty works hard at his job-
while Mira plays all day/
Marty works to get the money
for the bills they must pay/
They go out walking together-
to see what they can find/
both got a lot to say
but not a trouble on their minds/

Marty and Mira/
only eat Gluten-free/
Marty and Mira/
light candles for each other/
in Roman cathedrals/

Marty plays his guitar-
for Mira everyday/
Mira darns Marty's socks
but they're hopelessly frayed/
they drive across 101-
To Astoria/
gonna burn their troubles away
and fall into the ocean/
Marty and Mira-
Marty and Mira-
Marty and Mira.

An Electrical Surge of Emotion

I had a bit of an electrical surge of emotion last night.

It wasn't anything too overwhelming, or too sad, too depressing.
It was just enough for me to take a hot bath, and fall asleep listening to the album American Idiot by Green Day.
...........
Perhaps I should explain that last statement: when I feel the most emotional, there's one album that comforts me like none other and that's American Idiot.
I know, that doesn't make any sense.
It's not a happy album, it's not even quiet- its loud, controversial, and overwhelmingly honest... but it feels like home to me.
You see, there was a time in my life, when I felt really lost and really hopeless.
I felt abandoned by happiness.
And in that dark period of my life, there was about three key albums that were always playing: All the Right Reasons by Nickelback for when I felt angry, No Name Face by Lifehouse for when I felt sad, and American Idiot when everything else piled up and was too heavy to bear.

I can assure you, today, I don't feel anything close to that anymore.
But now, when I have bad days, they can bring back memories that are dark, and when those memories come back, Green Day blows them all away.

As I was drifting off to sleep last night, listening to the song Give Me Novacaine, a last passing thought I had was that this album was the most influential album in my life.
Green Day and I have a history.
The first rock concert I ever went to was Green Day. The first punk album I ever owned was American Idiot. Billie Joe Armstrong was the first musician crush I had. My friends nicknamed me after one of their other albums. They inspired me to learn how to play the guitar. They inspired me to start a band. They helped get me through a dark time so I could feel the light once again.
They are, without a doubt, my favorite band ever.

So as I drifted off to sleep thinking about influential albums, I've been thinking today about other albums which have inspired me.
Here's the rundown.

#1. American Idiot- Green Day...... because no matter what emotion you're feeling, the songs make you feel understood. This album has been most influential on my past.

#2. Take This To Your Grave- Fall Out Boy.......... Because bitterness is a valid human emotion, which I believe is discriminated against, and this album is a healthy expression and release of those feelings. This album has been most influential on my writing.

#3. Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge- My Chemical Romance....... Because there is no other album with so much depth, art, passion, story-telling and hope. People do not understand the blatant hope that is evident in this album. This album has been most influential on my attitude and also on my lyric-writing.

Those are my top three.
There's tons and tons of other albums which have inspired me, ranging from artists like The Beatles, to Michael Jackson, to The Used, to McFly, to Oasis to The Decemberists and Sarah McLachlan....

None of the others come close to the emotional ties I have with those three albums, though.
I have a history with each one of those albums.
They've played a part in shaping me to be who I am today.
If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't love music the way I do, and I probably wouldn't be in a band or play music at all.
If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have been inspired to become a better writer.
If it wasn't for the musicians that wrote those albums, I wouldn't have a deep understanding for people, and I wouldn't have this desire to help others who are in need.

They've helped me grow up, and have given me some of the best memories and associations I could ask for.

So yes, those are the thoughts that are running through my head today.
Funny thing: as I write this blog, I'm listening to the Counting Crows. ;)