Recap

"Everybody needs a little time away, I heard her say, from each other. Even lovers need a holiday, far away, from each other......"

These opening lines from that famous Chicago song have always gotten to me. I'm listening to Hard to Say I'm Sorry on repeat and desperately wishing I had someone to sing it for... "After all that we've been through, I will make it up to you, I promise to. After all that's been said and done, you're just a part of me I can't let go."

"I couldn't stand being kept away, not for a day, from your body. I wouldn't want to be swept away, far away, from the one that I love. Hold me now, it's hard for me to say I'm sorry, I just want you to know. Hold me now, I really want to tell you I'm sorry, I could never let you go."

Ahh, it's so wonderful.

The diet has been going really well over the past week. I've been drinking green smothies every morning (My usual "Green Guru" smoothie consists of a whole cucumber, avocado, banana, 1 cup of water, a packet of stevia and 5-8 leaves of romaine lettuce) and after just two mornings my taste buds were completely adjusted to them. I've been pretty lucky that way with my taste buds- I can get used to new eating habits really quickly. I'm already in love with my smoothies, and I thought it would take me awhile to resign myself to the flavors.

Lunch is usually a large salad, with a colorful array of veggies, or a bowl of delicious lentil soup with a rice cake and a small serving of applesauce. Applesauce is my new ice cream.
Around 3-4 o'clock I start feeling hungry again, so depending on what variation I had for lunch, I might munch on a few carrots and have another banana, or stick half a whole-wheat english muffin in the toaster and spread a light amount of almond butter on it.
This usually ties me over 'til dinner, when I indulge myself in my daily meat intake. (I honestly am amazed to say that I think I skipped 40% and went right on down to 20% almost instantly. I'm STILL not sure how I did it so easily.)
In order to keep dinner a non-stressful and coordinated event, I'll usually partake of whatever the rest of the family is eating.
Unless it's something like hamburgers, or sloppy joes, or chili, or even meatloaf.
Then I'll have grilled chicken, with a salad, or with a dish of quinoa.
Then, for desert, or any other time of the day I have a sweet tooth that won't go away, I have a very small sliver of 74% cacao dark chocolate with raspberry infusion.
All it takes is one teeny-tiny sliver, and my sweet tooth is satisfied.
Before bed I usually treat myself to a hot cup of white, sometimes herbal, (bye-bye earl grey) tea. I've got a tarragon mint herbal tea, and a blueberry-cranberry fusion white tea that I absolutely love.
And sometimes the berry tea is great for sugar cravings, because with a little bit of stevia it's nice and sweet without being detrimental to my new diet regime.

I'm careful not to be too strict, however. Monday night I indulged in a few chips ahoy cookies and some cheesecake at family night. Tonight, I treated myself to a spinach chicken pizza at work, after being extremely careful with what I ate all day long.
Plus, if I've done yoga earlier in the day, I tend to be a teensy bit more lenient, because as I'm burning those calories I need to be taking a few more in.

Doing yoga more than three times a week is proving much easier than I thought it would be. I've done it three days in a row already this week, and each time it just gets easier, and it feels more and more like a routine. A really great, peace-creating, healthy body, mind and soul sort of routine. I totally dig it.

I've also kept up pretty well with my daily devotions. I may not always get them done first thing in the morning, today's devotion took place around 4:30 in the afternoon before I had to get ready for work, but I at least get them done every day. I've been really enjoying them, too. I bought this Women's Devotional Bible years ago, and didn't get very far into it because I was only 12 and didn't really comprehend a lot of what I was reading anyways. So now it's nice to know that the ten bucks I spent on it hasn't gone to waste, and that I can get a lot out of it seeing that I've matured a wee bit more. ;)

So....yeah! That's the best update on my 2011 Vitality changes that I can give at the moment. I haven't really improved on balancing my checkbook more often, but hey, I have to remember to be gentle with myself during this time of change, too. You can't have everything and eat your cake too, or however that saying goes. I think I just combined two sayings, actually. Hm. That reminds me of a line from one of my favorite movies!
"P-p-people in glass houses, s-s-sink ships." - Boondock Saints.
:)

Well, I've got a rather splitting headache, so I'm going to hit the hay.

"Everybody needs a little time away..."

My loves,
my doves,
my eggs.

Goodnight, world.

Fortuitous Moments

January 12th. 3:22 pm. For the last two hours I have been consciously aware of something beautiful. Something so brilliant and exciting and glorious I can't even put it into words! But I'm a writer, and a blogger, and so therefore, I must do my best to put it into words because that is my nature and I am incredibly excited to share it with those who read my blog. Which, obviously, is you. If you're reading this.
(Side question: Do I know you? I've often wondered if people besides the ones I know actually read this...)

I have had an epiphany today. TA DAH!
Hallelujah. I love epiphanies. I get really excited when I get them, you know. But the fact that I had this fortuitous moment of sheer dumb eye-opening isn't what is most exciting.
What is most exciting, is what the epiphany was.
SO.
I'm going to sum it up in one phrase, and then rewind it (think: Quentin Tarantino), go back to the beginning and explain how I got to the actual epiphany.
Which is this: Oh my God. I'm going to be a travel writer.

NOW.
Reeeeeeee-wiiiiiiind.

I'm currently reading a travel book myself, you may have heard of it. Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.
Now, I don't want you to think that I only reached this conclusion because I'm being somewhat influenced by what I'm reading, because that's not true. I'm not caught up in some dumb story and deciding to throw everything away and follow in the author's footsteps, because let's face it: I wouldn't want to be her if you paid me. But if you did pay me, I'd want to have her experiences. I'd want to travel to Italy, India and Indonesia in one year and then write about it and have the book be such a world-wide success that it soon becomes a major motion picture (starring, let's not forget, JULIA ROBERTS) and my story is subsequently inspiring other young writers all over the nation. THAT, you could definitely pay me for.

Back to reality:
I'm not even far enough into the book to get that carried away. Honestly. I'm on page 44. Big threat? I think not. However, it did sort of catalyze my brain into a flurry of overactivity that caused a single spontaneous thought to burst forward and completely overwhelm my cognitive processes for the next two hours.
All it took was for her to write a few mediocre-scripted sentences about her first four days in Rome, and I was catalyzed. Boom. BOOM.
Memory lane is a very underestimated place, guys. I'm not really sure people realize just how powerful and so intricate it is. It's like Pandora. (I'm so excited about this, I'm seriously referencing Avatar in this post....!!)

Rome. I spent three days of my life within the walls of that ancient city almost three years ago. Those three days seem to have lasted more like three years, but even so, three years wouldn't be enough time to discover all the magic of that mysterious and entrancing place. Every sentence Gilbert writes in this book takes me back. The food, the alleyways that stretch on for miles and always wind up gently putting you right back where you need to be, the innumerable fountains, the people with their lusty, caramel colored eyes, the aqueducts, the gelato carts, the beauty of the Italian language, the smell of orange blossoms on the air, the churchbells ringing all over the city on sunday mornings.....
It was about this time when I was beginning to long for the dusk and twilight romance of Rome when I remembered the mountainous terrain and beautiful coastlines of Greece. The fresh, mediterranean diet, the colors, the smells, the donkeys in place of automobiles.... And that in turn took me back to the weekend my family spent in Victoria B.C. The boats, the beauty of the Buschart gardens, the outdoor dining, the ivy growing up the walls of the beautiful buildings. And I wanted all of them again, with a passion stronger than I have ever wanted them before. Only I wanted to spend weeks, months, years in each place. I wanted to discover new cultures, traditions, languages, food, people, animals, smells and sights so foreign to my eyes that I have to touch them all to make sure that my occular senses are not decieving me.
And then I realized how much I wanted to write about all of it. Every ancient wall, every new flavor, every mysterious new person.... Every flower, every window, every street painting.

Following this realization, every destination I have ever desired poured into my thoughts.
I thought of living in Ireland and surfing in County Donegal. I thought of London and the theater. I thought of Holland and windmills, and Amsterdam and houseboats. I thought of Cape Town, South Africa, and I thought of the cuisine of Morocco, and the beauty of the mosques. I wanted to compare the churchbells of Rome on a sunday morning to the churchbells of Jerusalem on the Sabbath. I want to embark on my own crusade to the Holy City, I want to stand in front of the Sphinxes in Egypt and I want to dance the night away in Barcelona with a red flower in my hair. I want to drink good beer in Germany, and visit the castle that my grandmother visited when she went. I want to travel to Provence, France and experience the French Riviera and gain 10 pounds from all the delicious food. I want to get lost in Sicily. I want to ride elephants in Thailand. I want to see the crocodiles in Australia, and I want to witness the monks in India, I want to visit the fair city of Verona and write a letter to Juliet. I want my breath to be taken away by the beauty of the Swiss alps, and I want to learn to ski in Sweden. I want to do it all and I want to write about every aspect of it.
I want to have a hundred memorable romances, I want to collect destinations and experiences and I want to completely immerse myself in cultures that I don't understand. I want to gain knowledge from the college of LIFE not education!

Traveling is the one thing that I've always known was in my future, and writing is the only career that I could absolutely love pursuing while I travel. So why not combine the two?

I don't know how I'm going to do it, I just know that I will.
It's a peaceful bit of knowledge, tucked deep away in my heart.
It says: "Don't worry about the how, or the when... Just be patient. It will work itself out."
And for me? That's all I need.
"All you have to be by the age of 23 is yourself."
That's the attitude that I have about my life right now. God will provide, if this is what I'm truly meant to do. And until He shows me otherwise, I have to believe this is my future, and that the possibilites are endless.

So there you have it.
My epiphany, and a pretty good story if you ask me.
I like to think I could build an entire bestseller from this sort of list. :)

"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is mystery. Today is a gift, that's why they call it the present."

-Eleanor Roosevelt

A Plethora of Constant Thought

"I'm in the front row, the front row with popcorn. I get to see you, see you close up."
Front Row- Alanis Morissette

I don't know if any of you in the greater Portland, Oregon metropolitan area got the chance to look outside today, but it was absolutely gorgeous. And I spent all day out and about running errands in the glorious early January sunshine.
Days like today are rare. The ones where you find yourself in a good mood all day long. The kind of day where you wake up happy, and you go to sleep contented with all that transpired over the past sixteen hours. The kind of day where a thousand thoughts float across your mind, but your mind only glues to one real thought and that one thought is: I'm so glad I'm alive today.
Yeah, today was that good.
The "I woke up before nine, read my Bible, went for a drive, listened to upbeat music, ate half a Burgerville chipotle blackbean garden burger for lunch, bought books at Borders, laughed with my mom, indulged in avocados, cooked dinner for friends and finished the day with a great movie and cheesecake" kind of good.
Jealous much? ;)

So tonight was Family Night, as it inevitably is every Monday night.
We planned a day trip to the beach this saturday, and watched Reality Bites.
Then we toyed with idea of turning it into a play, and producing it out of Trust Communications.
I'm an avid supporter of this idea.

Not only was the acting crucial and impeccable.... but the script was to die for.
I'm a writer. I know dialogue, and let me tell you, this dialogue was exceptionally cogent.
It's really caught me in a deep introspection, mostly brought on by certain provocative quotes from Ethan Hawke's character, Troy Dyer.
"Hello, you've reached the winter of our discontent."

The winter of our discontent.
A Steinbeck novel.
A line from Shakespeare.
But what does it mean to me? At first I couldn't say. I couldn't tell you what it means necessarily, just that I like it. It speaks to me. The winter of our discontent. What's the winter of my discontent? It's that feeling that you get, no matter how old you are, and no matter where you are in life, when everything can be going right and everything can be going wrong, but it doesn't make any difference because you just feel alone. The winter of our discontent. It sounds like the perfect epitome of adolescent poetry. Maybe it is.

"There's no point to any of this. It's all just a..... a random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes. So I take pleasure in the details. You know, a quarter pounder with cheese, those are good, the sky about ten minutes before it starts to rain, the moment where your laughter becomes a cackle.... And I, I sit back and I smoke my Camel Straights and I ride my own melt."

This is just beautiful writing. "A random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes." It's inescapable.

"You can't navigate me."
I love this line. I think I might love this line more than any line in the whole movie. Including really awesome ones like, "Welcome to the maxi- pad" and "he's the reason Cliff notes were invented."
None of them compare to this, though. "You can't navigate me."
Have you ever stopped and thought about how we really do approach relationships and people as territory to be navigated through? Like an ocean that must be crossed. A map that must be carefully followed. A fortress that must be breached and overtaken. We should navigate the stars, navigate the energy that surrounds us, navigate our interests, navigate our faith.... Not people. It's not possible. We can try and try and try, but it's not possible. You can know someone very well, but they will still surprise you, and will hurt you, and will leave you. Maybe they'll come back, but you can't navigate them. You can't know. You can't choose a path for them.

"Honey, all you have to be by the time you're 23 is yourself."

Awww. I especially appreciate this quote, because it's something I need to be reminded of constantly. And I think I just might write it down so I can remember it, and reflect on it, and have it with me to inspire me on dark days.

So, yeah.
The movie tonight was excellent. And a little bit intense, and I'm not going to lie. I got really into it, and found myself tearing up at all the really emotion-charged parts.
What can I say? I'm a sucker for those kinds of things.


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I'm so excited to go to the beach on Saturday. A reunion with my lifelong love affair is much needed. And the best part is that I'm going with people who will sit down beside me and write with me for hours as we stare at the grey-blue waves rolling in and slipping out. People who will laugh with me and cry with me and write with me and be constantly inspired with me. Every individual should have people like that in their life. It makes everything so much more beautiful.
It truly makes you feel more alive.

I wrote a little piece of freeform prose/poetry the other day.. I've been meaning to post it on here but haven't had the time until now.
I'm not sure it's finished, it seems a little rough. But I like it.

"Pandora's Box"

These moments which pass by in their fleeting absolution come to own us
before we can react
They define us and we no longer are in control
of ourselves or anything

These moments take hold and grasp our attention firmly
boxing our ears or snapping fingers
impatiently before our eyes

We can't resist the forward glance
The brazen head-on meeting with the moments'
composition of choice

A backseat fumble. A sharp intake of breath.
An eyes-closed euphoria as the first ocean
wave greets your freezing toes

A tear rolling down the side of your cheek
The lurching forward of the car suddenly
A birthday present
A homecooked meal
A miscarriage

These moments attack us mercilessly
They beat us down until we can barely breathe
and our words are stolen before
we can even gasp
for air
why?

What do these all-powerful
all-controlling
entities want with us?

These unforgiving moment gods of destruction
For that is what they are
Destruction
At it's finest

Almost self-destruction
but not quite
They destroy our defenses
instead of our will

They destroy our strongholds
instead of our hope
They destroy our comfort
but not our determination

They bring forth our weaknesses
and place on a gilted pedestal
our blaring humanity
They deface our pride
and erase our rebellion

They strip us
bare
and then they unfold

An autopsy
A promotion
A diagnosis
A skidded stop
A national act of terror
An answered prayer
A miracle!

A death of truth forever
A box
A box
A box

A BOX!

Open it.



It felt sinfully good to be writing poetry again.
It's a little rough, like I said, but I think it's got good potential.

And now, this post has come to a decided close.
But before I forget, it's the perfect time and place for Lyric of the Week.
"One day you'll look to see I've gone, for tomorrow may rain so I'll follow the sun.
Someday you'll know I was the one but tomorrow may rain so I'll follow the sun."
I'll Follow the Sun- The Beatles.

My loves,
My doves,
My eggs,

Goodnight.

Crazy Sexy Vitality

It's high time I write that "New Year, New Beginnings" post that I have been shamefully avoiding for the past four or five days. I usually avoid this topic of writing/conversation because up until this past year, I didn't believe in resolutions.
I still don't, really, but I do believe in change, and that's what I'm writing about today.

I'm starting a new life tradition (and we all know how much I love tradition) for 2011, a theme.
2011 is a brand new start for some of us, a chance to heal and grow and change our own lives for the better. Well, in order to carry these aspirations out to our fullest potential, we need an anthem, don't we?
A theme, a banner, a constant reminder of what it is we're searching for in the new year.
This year, this blessing of 2011, I have newly christened "The Year of Vitality". That is what I'm looking for out of the next 12 months. My journey to vibrant, healthy, exciting, gratifying wellbeing. Vitality. This new year is all about living life the way it should be lived.

These are a few of the accomplishments I'd like to make in 2011:

• I will read my devotional Bible every morning.
• I will read leisurely for an hour every single day.
• I will take walks as often as I possibly can, no matter the weather.
• I will stop relying on coffee, black tea, caffeine and other unhealthy vices to get me through the day.
• I will stop taking my sleeping pills.
• I will run at least one 5K.
• I will stick as prominently as I can to my new diet regime: The Crazy Sexy Diet.
• I will do yoga 5 times a week, instead of 2-3 times.
• I will take a bellydancing class.
• I will write a little bit every day.
• I will spend more time balancing my checkbook.
• I will spend more time caring for my environment.
• I will, to the best of my ability and resources, buy organic.
• I will laugh more.
• I will embark on a 3 week body cleanse.
• I will carry with me more childlike innocence, and see everyday occurances as if they were once in a lifetime miracles.
• I will do what I can when I can to help others.
• I will give thanks every day for all that has been given to me.
• I will sparkle.

Goodness knows I will fail on some of these and give up on others, that's basic human nature, but I am determined to do what I can to pursue and attain most of these changes.
I've also decided to blog my way through most of these activities. What better way to stick with something than to have countability to it? What better way to stick to eating 60% veggies and 40% animal products than to blog my woes, failures, successes and excitements? Julie Powell did it as she cooked her way through Mastering the Art of French Cooking, and I can do it as I dance, run, laugh, eat and write my way through 2011.

So.
Here it is, the blessing of 2011. The year of Vitality.

I've already kicked it off into high gear with a new health book I picked up yesterday called "The Crazy Sexy Diet".
Written by an ex-pill-popping-wine-guzzling- actress- turned-cancer-patient-turned-health-guru, it's a simple and glorious entryway into a healthier wellbeing.
Technically it's a vegetarian diet (even vegan if you're super diehard) but fear not, fellow meat ingestors! I couldn't ever actually live a life without bacon. Instead, I'm going the "not actually vegetarian" route. The diet is designed for people who are looking for a new alternative to life as opposed to the constant, standardized American diet drudgery, or for people who are fighting off chronic illnesses and this is their last chance to give their bodies a reason to heal.

The ultimate goal is to consume 80% vegetable products, and 20% animal products in your everyday diet.
But the suggested starting point is 60/40. I kind of like meat and cheese and milk to much to drastically reduce my intake of them to 20%, but I'm going to give it a shot for 40%. Maybe even someday, down to 30%. I have to be careful though, because my blood type needs meat to function at its best.

I'm halfway through reading the book already, and I absolutely love it. I can't wait to start drinking my green smoothies, and trying exciting new flavors like hemp milk, kale, stevia and agave juice. The recipes in the back of the book look super delicious, and the names are fabulous. The fresh salad I made to day was called, "Woodstock Peace Salad". It kind of makes sacrificing most simple carbs, fatty meats and dairy products worth it, in my opinion!

This is going to be a great year. The opportunities are going to be endless, and on this journey to self-rejuvenation and finding ultimate vitality, I think I'm going to learn valuable life lessons. Life lessons which I will invariably share with you, of course.
Here's to the new year!

Cheers.

The Colour of My Love

"I'll paint my moon in shades of blue, paint my soul to be with you.
I'll sketch your lips in shaded tones, draw your mouth to my own.
I'll draw your arms around my waist, them I doubt I shall erase.
I'll paint the rain that softly lands on your wind blown hair.
I'll trace a hand to wipe your tears, a look to calm your fears.
A silhouette of dark and light while we hold each other oh-so tight.

I'll paint a sun to warm your heart, swearing that we'll never part.
That's the colour of my love.
I'll paint the truth, show I how I feel, try to make you completely real.
I'll use a brush so light and fine, to draw you close and make you mine."
The Colour of My Love- Celine Dion

Color me interested, color me alive.
Color me happy, color me removed.
Color me anxious, color me blue.
Color me inspired, color me different.
Color me wealthy, color me captive.
Color me free, color me healthy.
Color me diverse, color me strange.
Color me curious, color me lonely.
Color me missing you.
Color me missing you.