"I'm in the front row, the front row with popcorn. I get to see you, see you close up."
Front Row- Alanis Morissette
I don't know if any of you in the greater Portland, Oregon metropolitan area got the chance to look outside today, but it was absolutely gorgeous. And I spent all day out and about running errands in the glorious early January sunshine.
Days like today are rare. The ones where you find yourself in a good mood all day long. The kind of day where you wake up happy, and you go to sleep contented with all that transpired over the past sixteen hours. The kind of day where a thousand thoughts float across your mind, but your mind only glues to one real thought and that one thought is: I'm so glad I'm alive today.
Yeah, today was that good.
The "I woke up before nine, read my Bible, went for a drive, listened to upbeat music, ate half a Burgerville chipotle blackbean garden burger for lunch, bought books at Borders, laughed with my mom, indulged in avocados, cooked dinner for friends and finished the day with a great movie and cheesecake" kind of good.
Jealous much? ;)
So tonight was Family Night, as it inevitably is every Monday night.
We planned a day trip to the beach this saturday, and watched Reality Bites.
Then we toyed with idea of turning it into a play, and producing it out of Trust Communications.
I'm an avid supporter of this idea.
Not only was the acting crucial and impeccable.... but the script was to die for.
I'm a writer. I know dialogue, and let me tell you, this dialogue was exceptionally cogent.
It's really caught me in a deep introspection, mostly brought on by certain provocative quotes from Ethan Hawke's character, Troy Dyer.
"Hello, you've reached the winter of our discontent."
The winter of our discontent.
A Steinbeck novel.
A line from Shakespeare.
But what does it mean to me? At first I couldn't say. I couldn't tell you what it means necessarily, just that I like it. It speaks to me. The winter of our discontent. What's the winter of my discontent? It's that feeling that you get, no matter how old you are, and no matter where you are in life, when everything can be going right and everything can be going wrong, but it doesn't make any difference because you just feel alone. The winter of our discontent. It sounds like the perfect epitome of adolescent poetry. Maybe it is.
"There's no point to any of this. It's all just a..... a random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes. So I take pleasure in the details. You know, a quarter pounder with cheese, those are good, the sky about ten minutes before it starts to rain, the moment where your laughter becomes a cackle.... And I, I sit back and I smoke my Camel Straights and I ride my own melt."
This is just beautiful writing. "A random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes." It's inescapable.
"You can't navigate me."
I love this line. I think I might love this line more than any line in the whole movie. Including really awesome ones like, "Welcome to the maxi- pad" and "he's the reason Cliff notes were invented."
None of them compare to this, though. "You can't navigate me."
Have you ever stopped and thought about how we really do approach relationships and people as territory to be navigated through? Like an ocean that must be crossed. A map that must be carefully followed. A fortress that must be breached and overtaken. We should navigate the stars, navigate the energy that surrounds us, navigate our interests, navigate our faith.... Not people. It's not possible. We can try and try and try, but it's not possible. You can know someone very well, but they will still surprise you, and will hurt you, and will leave you. Maybe they'll come back, but you can't navigate them. You can't know. You can't choose a path for them.
"Honey, all you have to be by the time you're 23 is yourself."
Awww. I especially appreciate this quote, because it's something I need to be reminded of constantly. And I think I just might write it down so I can remember it, and reflect on it, and have it with me to inspire me on dark days.
So, yeah.
The movie tonight was excellent. And a little bit intense, and I'm not going to lie. I got really into it, and found myself tearing up at all the really emotion-charged parts.
What can I say? I'm a sucker for those kinds of things.
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I'm so excited to go to the beach on Saturday. A reunion with my lifelong love affair is much needed. And the best part is that I'm going with people who will sit down beside me and write with me for hours as we stare at the grey-blue waves rolling in and slipping out. People who will laugh with me and cry with me and write with me and be constantly inspired with me. Every individual should have people like that in their life. It makes everything so much more beautiful.
It truly makes you feel more alive.
I wrote a little piece of freeform prose/poetry the other day.. I've been meaning to post it on here but haven't had the time until now.
I'm not sure it's finished, it seems a little rough. But I like it.
"Pandora's Box"
These moments which pass by in their fleeting absolution come to own us
before we can react
They define us and we no longer are in control
of ourselves or anything
These moments take hold and grasp our attention firmly
boxing our ears or snapping fingers
impatiently before our eyes
We can't resist the forward glance
The brazen head-on meeting with the moments'
composition of choice
A backseat fumble. A sharp intake of breath.
An eyes-closed euphoria as the first ocean
wave greets your freezing toes
A tear rolling down the side of your cheek
The lurching forward of the car suddenly
A birthday present
A homecooked meal
A miscarriage
These moments attack us mercilessly
They beat us down until we can barely breathe
and our words are stolen before
we can even gasp
for air
why?
What do these all-powerful
all-controlling
entities want with us?
These unforgiving moment gods of destruction
For that is what they are
Destruction
At it's finest
Almost self-destruction
but not quite
They destroy our defenses
instead of our will
They destroy our strongholds
instead of our hope
They destroy our comfort
but not our determination
They bring forth our weaknesses
and place on a gilted pedestal
our blaring humanity
They deface our pride
and erase our rebellion
They strip us
bare
and then they unfold
An autopsy
A promotion
A diagnosis
A skidded stop
A national act of terror
An answered prayer
A miracle!
A death of truth forever
A box
A box
A box
A BOX!
Open it.
It felt sinfully good to be writing poetry again.
It's a little rough, like I said, but I think it's got good potential.
And now, this post has come to a decided close.
But before I forget, it's the perfect time and place for Lyric of the Week.
"One day you'll look to see I've gone, for tomorrow may rain so I'll follow the sun.
Someday you'll know I was the one but tomorrow may rain so I'll follow the sun."
I'll Follow the Sun- The Beatles.
My loves,
My doves,
My eggs,
Goodnight.
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