Tuesday Morning

Some things I guess  I'll never understand.  Like quantum mechanics, and why the sky is blue instead of purple.  I'll never understand what makes people react the way they do,  and when it comes to family troubles, I will never understand how people can change so suddenly.

I'm never going to understand computers, and I'll probably never understand rocket science.  I may never even fully understand how to drive a stick shift.

Sometimes you take for granted the things that you will be able to understand.  You think that you'll always be able to understand people, for instance.  People you've known since the day you were born,  people you've weathered storms with,  people you've fought with,and made up with, people you've laughed so hard with that you peed a little on yourself on several different occasions.

Here's the ironic part, though.  People are the one thing that we take for granted the most, fooling ourselves into thinking that they're familiar territory and they stand on solid ground.  They don't.  And they're never truly familiar territory.  People are the one part of this life that we understand the absolute least, because nobody can predict the human heart and what it feels so deeply on the inside.  Nobody can forge this territory into submission.  The ground is mobile.

Though I fight so hard against it,  this is a part of life I need to accept.

Today I have my yoga, and my Soul Family.  I have coffee in my immediate future, and books, and writing, and long conversations.  I wish I could throw myself into it without hesitation, but there is a shadow on my thoughts this morning.  A shadow with a history tying it to a part of my life that runs deeper than water underneath earth's surface.

This is the way it's meant to be, though.  I validate the pain, and I validate the reservations even though I don't understand them.

Forgive me for my heartache and the tears threatening to fall at every passing thought.

I know my heartache is minimal compared to yours, but its still real, and I need you to respect that.


With love always,
Hannah