Some things you just can't control.
Like the fact that at 1:30 AM last night I lay awake listening to Celine Dion and reading Sylvia Plath poems, after watching a classic love story (Frankie and Johnny), and ingesting copious amounts of Christmas chocolate.
What did I learn from this experience?
Al Pacino has fantastic hair.
Ferrero Rochers heal sorrow.
Love Can Move Mountains.
Dying is an art, and Sylvia Plath makes me want to write poetry again.
Do you know how long it's been since I wrote poems?
A long time.
I used to write them all the time, but then I got distracted by writing song lyrics... And reflections.... long-winded episodes of prose, which turned into the inevitable short story, which turned into the inescapable novel.
Along the way, poems were forgotten. I'm still not sure I could just pick them up again. Poems are hard.
Another thing I learned about myself last night was that I have the strong likelihood to end up alone. I mean really. Shortly after I finished re-reading Lady Lazarus for the fourth time, I looked up and saw my life as though I wasn't living it. I saw it from someone else's point of view.
I looked very unapproachable.
I would love to end up with an intellectual, someone I can talk with about books and literature, music and art.... But any man who has the intellect to know Sylvia Plath would turn on the spot and run screaming in the other direction.
Unfortunate, isn't it?
On another note, I wrote a new song yesterday, which I was really excited about becasue I haven't been so musically inspired in a long time.
I dreamed about Titanic last night. Leonardo DiCaprio's deadened, drowning face floated across my subconscious and I felt like I was holding onto his icy hands, instead of Kate Winslet. I'm pretty sure I rolled over, and then started dreaming about being late for work. My boss was wearing a wig, and one of those gross Louis XVI fake moles.
Moral of the story: no more chocolate before bed.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
"So this is Christmas..."
December 23rd. 2 days until Christmas.
4:14 PM. The sky is gradually beginning to darken, my room is aglow with the half-light of day and the bright flame of several burning candles. One of the candles has a wooden wick, and makes a most delightful crackling noise, melting gloriously with the soft blues guitar riffs of Chris Isaak and John Mayer playing from my iPod speaker.
All around, life is buzzing. Thoughts, memories, occurances from past Christmases are swirling around in my head, and I can't help but wish strongly that it was snowing outside. I've gotten almost all my presents wrapped, stockings are done, cinnamon rolls are half-made for Christmas morning, and the traditions of Christmases gone by and Christmases to come are rolling in and out of my mind like the tide.
I think of when I was much, much younger, and how every year the lighting of the Christmas lights outside the house was a big to-do. There was always music playing outdoors while Bryon (my not-yet-then-brother-in-law) scampered dangerously along the roofline, stringing lights. Johnny Mathis' Christmas was crooning, mom was inside brewing hot cocoa, dad was running to and from exchanging ladders, and my sisters and I stood outside in our pajamas, laughing, watching, and half-listening for any sign of Bryon slipping and falling. Then, after what seemed like hours, and what probably was hours, Bryon would call out and suddenly the entire house would alight at once. Beautiful white icicle lights hanging from every gable and gutter, and strung gloriously around the rails of the wraparound porch.
I think of how there was a rather long period of time during every Christmas season, we would drive to Tower Records when it was still in business and buy 100 dollars worth of new music. Our blessed Christmas bonus. :)
Those were the best days.
I remember countless times of visiting the Grotto, and saying a prayer before the lifesize Nativity Scene.
I remember Christmas Eves spent at my grandmother's, and then finished at home as we each got to pick one present to unwrap before bed.
Christmas mornings rise up in my mind with memories of waking up astoundingly early, even though I didn't dream of opening my stocking without my sisters. Gathered in the living room with milk and cinnamon rolls, the stocking opening would commence. The best part of Christmas, altogether.
Then we'd move to the family room, where the tree and the rest of the presents were- after breakfast of course.
I remember what seems like hundreds of times rolling out, cutting out, and decorating gingerbread cookies with my family. One year, my sisters and I decorated an entire beach scene. There was an ocean, a shade tent, several gingerbread men and women in swimtrunks and bikinis, a sea turtle, and a sun. The picture of it is hanging on my bedroom wall. I must have been only 9. It's one of the greatest pictures of the three of us girls we have. Memories. :)
Not to mention the many viewings of White Christmas with my sisters. One tradition that will be carried on in my life eternally. Alone or not.
I'm dreaming of Christmases to come, and new traditions I'd like to make.
My friend Natalie Knight and I went to Peacock Lane this year. It was beautiful, and I think we should start doing it every year together.
As I plan on living near the ocean for the rest of my life, and possessing a lifelong dream of surfing, I want to be that crazy individual who goes for a Christmas morning surf no matter how cold it is. I would especially like to start this tradition in Ireland.
A few nights ago, I came across a beautiful Irish tradition that I plan on starting tomorrow night. Every Christmas Eve, it is traditional to light a candle in the window, to help guide Mary in her search for a place of refuge to give birth to Jesus.
This year I also started a tradition with Becca of watching the Celtic Thunder Christmas dvd and getting so much love and laughter out of it.
I'm so excited to embark on my life and future with new and old traditions and people as well.
I can't believe Christmas is here already.
Tomorrow morning, Family coffee date.
Tomorrow afternoon, writing with Raelyn.
Tomorrow evening, work.
After work, candle lighting, and watching The Nativity with mom and dad.
And then waking up on Christmas morning, to fresh cinnamon rolls and coffee. Eggs in purgatory (Poached eggs in marinara with italian sausage and rosemary toast), stockings, and presents, and spending the rest of the day celebrating Christ's birth with my beloved family.
And so, this is Christmas.
Happy Holidays. :)
4:14 PM. The sky is gradually beginning to darken, my room is aglow with the half-light of day and the bright flame of several burning candles. One of the candles has a wooden wick, and makes a most delightful crackling noise, melting gloriously with the soft blues guitar riffs of Chris Isaak and John Mayer playing from my iPod speaker.
All around, life is buzzing. Thoughts, memories, occurances from past Christmases are swirling around in my head, and I can't help but wish strongly that it was snowing outside. I've gotten almost all my presents wrapped, stockings are done, cinnamon rolls are half-made for Christmas morning, and the traditions of Christmases gone by and Christmases to come are rolling in and out of my mind like the tide.
I think of when I was much, much younger, and how every year the lighting of the Christmas lights outside the house was a big to-do. There was always music playing outdoors while Bryon (my not-yet-then-brother-in-law) scampered dangerously along the roofline, stringing lights. Johnny Mathis' Christmas was crooning, mom was inside brewing hot cocoa, dad was running to and from exchanging ladders, and my sisters and I stood outside in our pajamas, laughing, watching, and half-listening for any sign of Bryon slipping and falling. Then, after what seemed like hours, and what probably was hours, Bryon would call out and suddenly the entire house would alight at once. Beautiful white icicle lights hanging from every gable and gutter, and strung gloriously around the rails of the wraparound porch.
I think of how there was a rather long period of time during every Christmas season, we would drive to Tower Records when it was still in business and buy 100 dollars worth of new music. Our blessed Christmas bonus. :)
Those were the best days.
I remember countless times of visiting the Grotto, and saying a prayer before the lifesize Nativity Scene.
I remember Christmas Eves spent at my grandmother's, and then finished at home as we each got to pick one present to unwrap before bed.
Christmas mornings rise up in my mind with memories of waking up astoundingly early, even though I didn't dream of opening my stocking without my sisters. Gathered in the living room with milk and cinnamon rolls, the stocking opening would commence. The best part of Christmas, altogether.
Then we'd move to the family room, where the tree and the rest of the presents were- after breakfast of course.
I remember what seems like hundreds of times rolling out, cutting out, and decorating gingerbread cookies with my family. One year, my sisters and I decorated an entire beach scene. There was an ocean, a shade tent, several gingerbread men and women in swimtrunks and bikinis, a sea turtle, and a sun. The picture of it is hanging on my bedroom wall. I must have been only 9. It's one of the greatest pictures of the three of us girls we have. Memories. :)
Not to mention the many viewings of White Christmas with my sisters. One tradition that will be carried on in my life eternally. Alone or not.
I'm dreaming of Christmases to come, and new traditions I'd like to make.
My friend Natalie Knight and I went to Peacock Lane this year. It was beautiful, and I think we should start doing it every year together.
As I plan on living near the ocean for the rest of my life, and possessing a lifelong dream of surfing, I want to be that crazy individual who goes for a Christmas morning surf no matter how cold it is. I would especially like to start this tradition in Ireland.
A few nights ago, I came across a beautiful Irish tradition that I plan on starting tomorrow night. Every Christmas Eve, it is traditional to light a candle in the window, to help guide Mary in her search for a place of refuge to give birth to Jesus.
This year I also started a tradition with Becca of watching the Celtic Thunder Christmas dvd and getting so much love and laughter out of it.
I'm so excited to embark on my life and future with new and old traditions and people as well.
I can't believe Christmas is here already.
Tomorrow morning, Family coffee date.
Tomorrow afternoon, writing with Raelyn.
Tomorrow evening, work.
After work, candle lighting, and watching The Nativity with mom and dad.
And then waking up on Christmas morning, to fresh cinnamon rolls and coffee. Eggs in purgatory (Poached eggs in marinara with italian sausage and rosemary toast), stockings, and presents, and spending the rest of the day celebrating Christ's birth with my beloved family.
And so, this is Christmas.
Happy Holidays. :)
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Dear Ringo
Dear Ringo Starr,
You are perfect.
Your face is without a doubt the most endearing face in all of history.
Your picture on my bookshelf, of you smiling and drumming, wearing your signature gawdy bracelets, inspires me to no end.
I've been sitting here at my desk for almost three hours now, editing, writing, reading, reflecting. Every few minutes I look up to see your picture (which I've moved from it's place on the bookshelf to right beside me at my desk... I hope you don't mind), and your smiling face is laughing back at me. I think you're telling me to write about you.
I wouldn't put it past you.
Dear Ringo,
I want to name one of my sons after you, if I should be so fortunate as to have them. Atticus Ringo. I think it has a lovely sound to it.
You are so underestimated as a Beatle, and I can't tell you how much it bothers me that people think of you only as the funny-looking one with the big nose.
Your nose is a fine size. People should worry about their own noses.
Dear Ringo,
You might call me crazy, seeing as this would all be much less creepy if you were actually dead, which you're not, which kind of makes me really unfortunate and worrisome, but I can't help feel that if you were young and available right now we would be together.
But you're old and rather short, and have a very fuzzy head, and I can't say I'd ever want to be with a Richard, and you never take those sunglasses off anyways, so I've decided it's better that you're not young and single. Besides, I would probably try to get you to take off the gawdy jewelry, even though secretly, deep down, I love it.
Your smile wins oceans, Ringo.
I'm not exactly sure what that statement means, but when I figure it out, I'll be sure to let you know first.
Dear Ringo,
Octopus' Garden makes me happier than almost any other song, except for Hey Jude. I'm sorry, but my love for Hey Jude outshines even my love for you, dear one. Forgive me.
I also appreciate that you are more-than-slightly dim-witted. I appreciate that the song title "A Hard Day's Night" was birthed by one of your quintessential, and insanely lovable word misshaps.
As I stated earlier, you are perfect, Ringo.
Perfect to me.
Although, you really should stop smoking. And stop trying to smell the roses, that whole entourage of cheesy songs and solo failures really wounded your credability.
But I still love you.
And so, Dear Ringo,
Here's to a lifetime of favorites, mutual understandings (.... I'm sure if you actually knew me, this whole thing really would be mutual), and endless inspirations.
Thanks for always being there.
You are perfect.
Your face is without a doubt the most endearing face in all of history.
Your picture on my bookshelf, of you smiling and drumming, wearing your signature gawdy bracelets, inspires me to no end.
I've been sitting here at my desk for almost three hours now, editing, writing, reading, reflecting. Every few minutes I look up to see your picture (which I've moved from it's place on the bookshelf to right beside me at my desk... I hope you don't mind), and your smiling face is laughing back at me. I think you're telling me to write about you.
I wouldn't put it past you.
Dear Ringo,
I want to name one of my sons after you, if I should be so fortunate as to have them. Atticus Ringo. I think it has a lovely sound to it.
You are so underestimated as a Beatle, and I can't tell you how much it bothers me that people think of you only as the funny-looking one with the big nose.
Your nose is a fine size. People should worry about their own noses.
Dear Ringo,
You might call me crazy, seeing as this would all be much less creepy if you were actually dead, which you're not, which kind of makes me really unfortunate and worrisome, but I can't help feel that if you were young and available right now we would be together.
But you're old and rather short, and have a very fuzzy head, and I can't say I'd ever want to be with a Richard, and you never take those sunglasses off anyways, so I've decided it's better that you're not young and single. Besides, I would probably try to get you to take off the gawdy jewelry, even though secretly, deep down, I love it.
Your smile wins oceans, Ringo.
I'm not exactly sure what that statement means, but when I figure it out, I'll be sure to let you know first.
Dear Ringo,
Octopus' Garden makes me happier than almost any other song, except for Hey Jude. I'm sorry, but my love for Hey Jude outshines even my love for you, dear one. Forgive me.
I also appreciate that you are more-than-slightly dim-witted. I appreciate that the song title "A Hard Day's Night" was birthed by one of your quintessential, and insanely lovable word misshaps.
As I stated earlier, you are perfect, Ringo.
Perfect to me.
Although, you really should stop smoking. And stop trying to smell the roses, that whole entourage of cheesy songs and solo failures really wounded your credability.
But I still love you.
And so, Dear Ringo,
Here's to a lifetime of favorites, mutual understandings (.... I'm sure if you actually knew me, this whole thing really would be mutual), and endless inspirations.
Thanks for always being there.
"What Fills the Eyes Fills the Heart"
All around me I see things, marvelous things. I see the framed picture of my best friend and I sitting on my desk. We snapped that picture on a walk we took in the countryside of Washington in early October. I see a three-wick candle burning on my right side, it smells of sweet cinnamon pumpkin. The flames illuminate my room in a cascading warmth, glowing wildly and weightlessly, making shadows dance on my wall. I see snapshots of my life all around. I see my most beloved guitar, and the large picture book of Ireland I bought a few weeks ago to my left.
My mind's eye sees faces, so many faces. Faces I know well and love dearly, and faces I've never met, but still love with more than all of my heart. My mind's eye is full of wonder, and happiness, joy and contentment. I see the way life moves. I feel its pulse throbbing at the center of my heart. I see the ebb and the flow of a thousand tides of inspiration overwhelming my subconscious. I see the moonshine in my heart. I feel the magic of a hundred tales of fairy lore tingling in my bones, and the miracle of timeless legend envelops my mind as I lazily, hazily reflect on myth and memories.
I hinge my subconscious mind to my writing arm. I go boldly in the direction of my inspiration, for new experience. What fills the eye fills the heart, and my heart is full with the things I have seen with my eyes, and things that I have seen with my mind.
The mind is unbridled.
It knows no bounds. And by using it ever so carefully, I can fill my heart with what I truly desire, even if it just means learning to look through my mind's eye. Seeing isn't believing. People believe in angels even when the lights are turned off. Believing is seeing how your life has changed because of what you believe in. And if you believe you can achieve something with your entire mind, you can gradually turn your heart in the same direction. And when your heart and mind are aligned, your soul shines, and its light leads you confidently in the direction of your dreams.
Illuminate!
Glow. Shine. Dazzle.
Brilliance yourself.
Set the world ablaze.
You are unlimited.
Open your eyes.
Start now.
My mind's eye sees faces, so many faces. Faces I know well and love dearly, and faces I've never met, but still love with more than all of my heart. My mind's eye is full of wonder, and happiness, joy and contentment. I see the way life moves. I feel its pulse throbbing at the center of my heart. I see the ebb and the flow of a thousand tides of inspiration overwhelming my subconscious. I see the moonshine in my heart. I feel the magic of a hundred tales of fairy lore tingling in my bones, and the miracle of timeless legend envelops my mind as I lazily, hazily reflect on myth and memories.
I hinge my subconscious mind to my writing arm. I go boldly in the direction of my inspiration, for new experience. What fills the eye fills the heart, and my heart is full with the things I have seen with my eyes, and things that I have seen with my mind.
The mind is unbridled.
It knows no bounds. And by using it ever so carefully, I can fill my heart with what I truly desire, even if it just means learning to look through my mind's eye. Seeing isn't believing. People believe in angels even when the lights are turned off. Believing is seeing how your life has changed because of what you believe in. And if you believe you can achieve something with your entire mind, you can gradually turn your heart in the same direction. And when your heart and mind are aligned, your soul shines, and its light leads you confidently in the direction of your dreams.
Illuminate!
Glow. Shine. Dazzle.
Brilliance yourself.
Set the world ablaze.
You are unlimited.
Open your eyes.
Start now.
Friday, December 17, 2010
My Loves, My Doves, My Eggs
My room is freezing.
I sleep with my windows open, even during the winter, because I love the feeling of being completely snuggled up in warm blankets while the surrounding room is icicle temperature and would probably freeze an appendage off, should it venture forth from the safety of the covers.
My windows have been open all day, and it's not exactly a heatwave time of year out there.
I came home from work and started shivering.
I'm currently sitting on my bed, with a pair of leggings on underneath my pajama bottoms which are tucked into my sheepskin shearling boots, with a long sleeve shirt underneath a knit sweater-wrap which is topped by my warm, cream colored scarf, and my fuzzy, heat-capturing throw blanket wrapped around my legs.
Toasty.
My iTunes is playing a very comforting mix of The Avett Brothers, Paolo Nutini, and the smooth, soulful pop music of a recently discovered artist: Neil Byrne, and my mind is tripping with the buzz of another day gone by.
Becca was here for a week. She left this afternoon, I miss my dear soul sister already.
We had a very beautiful week together. We went for many walks and bikerides, watched several movies, talked avidly, dreamed constantly, and ate a lot of delicious food. Everytime I spend days at a time with her, I realize how much I love her, and I can't wait for the day when we move in together. Being roomies with Becca is something I am incredibly excited for. And for stealing my favorite pair of jeans ever, which sadly belong to her, as often as I possibly can. Hurrah!
I also had a beautiful date with Natalie this week, in honor of my birthday.
We went to a late lunch at an incredibly authentic Irish pub and restaurant, spent an hour perusing Powell's (and I bought more books. You would not believe how many books I've bought in the past month.), and went for a beautiful walk down a closed neighborhood street called Peacock Lane, where every single house is decorated in hundreds of Christmas lights.
I love Christmas.
I also love quotes.
And I found some really super fabulous ones last night that I must share.
"Go into the world and do well. But more importantly, go into the world and do good." -Minor Myers, Jr.
"I beg you... to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without ever noticing it, live your way into the answer."- Rainer Maria Pilke
"Every moment of light and dark is a miracle."- Walt Whitman
"We do not remember days... We remember moments." -Cesaro Pavoso
"Barn's burnt down.... Now I can see the moon."
"Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart."- Unknown
"A human being should be able to change diaper. Plan an invasion. Butcher a hog. Steer a ship. Design a building. Write a sonnet. Balance accounts. Build a wall. Set a bone. Comfort the dying. Take orders. Give orders. Cooperate. Act alone. Solve equations. Analyze a new problem. Pitch manure. Program a computer. Cook a tasty meal. Fight efficiently. Die gallantly."- Robert Heimlein
"Live in the present. Launch yourselv on every wave. Find eternity in each moment." -Henry David Thoreau
"Always make new mistakes."- Esther Dyson
"Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints on your heart. To handle yourself, use your head. To handle others, use your heart. Anger is only one letter short of danger. If someone betrays you once, it is his fault. If he betrays you twice, it is your fault. Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. He who loses money, loses much. He who loses a friend, loses much more. He who loses faith, loses all. Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art. Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself. There is no beginning or end. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is mystery. Today is a gift, that's why they call it the present."- Eleanor Roosevelt
"You are unrepeatable. There is a magic about you that is all your own." -D.M. Dellinger
"Find your purpose and fling your life out to it. Find a way or make one. Try with all your might. Self-made or never made."
"Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I've got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible." -G.B. Shaw
"Find life experiences and swallow them whole. Travel. Meet many people. Go down some dead ends and explore dark alleys. Try everything. Exhaust yourself in the glorious pursuit of life." -Lawrence K. Fish
"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone."- Neale Donald Watson
"Young. Old. Just words." -George Burns
"May you always be blessed with walls for the wind. A roof for the rain. A warm cup of tea by the fire. Laughter to cheer you. Those you love near you. And all that your heart might desire."- Irish blessing.
"Fame is a vapor. Popularity an accident. Riches take wings. Only one thing endures and that is character."- Horace Greeley
"Avoid making irrevocable decisions while tired or hungry."- Robert Heinlein
"If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves."- Thomas Edison
"Worry is like a rocing chair. It will give you something to do, but it won't get you anywhere."
"Love is a cosmic phenomenon." -P.D. Ouspensky
"Good cooks never lack friends."
"Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult."- Charlotte Whitton
"Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast."- Oscar Wilde
"1. The path is not straight.
2. Mistakes need not be fatal.
3. People are more important than achievements or possessions.
4. Be gentle with your parents.
5. Never stop doing what you care most about.
6. Learn to use a semicolon.
7. You will find love." -Marion Winik
"Be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. In the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul."-Max Ehrmann
"Break the monotony. Do something strange and extravagant!"- Emerson
"What lies behind us, and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us."- Emerson
"You are my very greatest earthly blessing."- Martha Finley
"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirious of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars."- Jack Kerouac
"Go forth and set the world on fire."- St. Ignatius
Merry Christmas...!
My loves,
my doves,
my eggs.
I sleep with my windows open, even during the winter, because I love the feeling of being completely snuggled up in warm blankets while the surrounding room is icicle temperature and would probably freeze an appendage off, should it venture forth from the safety of the covers.
My windows have been open all day, and it's not exactly a heatwave time of year out there.
I came home from work and started shivering.
I'm currently sitting on my bed, with a pair of leggings on underneath my pajama bottoms which are tucked into my sheepskin shearling boots, with a long sleeve shirt underneath a knit sweater-wrap which is topped by my warm, cream colored scarf, and my fuzzy, heat-capturing throw blanket wrapped around my legs.
Toasty.
My iTunes is playing a very comforting mix of The Avett Brothers, Paolo Nutini, and the smooth, soulful pop music of a recently discovered artist: Neil Byrne, and my mind is tripping with the buzz of another day gone by.
Becca was here for a week. She left this afternoon, I miss my dear soul sister already.
We had a very beautiful week together. We went for many walks and bikerides, watched several movies, talked avidly, dreamed constantly, and ate a lot of delicious food. Everytime I spend days at a time with her, I realize how much I love her, and I can't wait for the day when we move in together. Being roomies with Becca is something I am incredibly excited for. And for stealing my favorite pair of jeans ever, which sadly belong to her, as often as I possibly can. Hurrah!
I also had a beautiful date with Natalie this week, in honor of my birthday.
We went to a late lunch at an incredibly authentic Irish pub and restaurant, spent an hour perusing Powell's (and I bought more books. You would not believe how many books I've bought in the past month.), and went for a beautiful walk down a closed neighborhood street called Peacock Lane, where every single house is decorated in hundreds of Christmas lights.
I love Christmas.
I also love quotes.
And I found some really super fabulous ones last night that I must share.
"Go into the world and do well. But more importantly, go into the world and do good." -Minor Myers, Jr.
"I beg you... to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without ever noticing it, live your way into the answer."- Rainer Maria Pilke
"Every moment of light and dark is a miracle."- Walt Whitman
"We do not remember days... We remember moments." -Cesaro Pavoso
"Barn's burnt down.... Now I can see the moon."
"Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart."- Unknown
"A human being should be able to change diaper. Plan an invasion. Butcher a hog. Steer a ship. Design a building. Write a sonnet. Balance accounts. Build a wall. Set a bone. Comfort the dying. Take orders. Give orders. Cooperate. Act alone. Solve equations. Analyze a new problem. Pitch manure. Program a computer. Cook a tasty meal. Fight efficiently. Die gallantly."- Robert Heimlein
"Live in the present. Launch yourselv on every wave. Find eternity in each moment." -Henry David Thoreau
"Always make new mistakes."- Esther Dyson
"Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints on your heart. To handle yourself, use your head. To handle others, use your heart. Anger is only one letter short of danger. If someone betrays you once, it is his fault. If he betrays you twice, it is your fault. Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. He who loses money, loses much. He who loses a friend, loses much more. He who loses faith, loses all. Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art. Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself. There is no beginning or end. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is mystery. Today is a gift, that's why they call it the present."- Eleanor Roosevelt
"You are unrepeatable. There is a magic about you that is all your own." -D.M. Dellinger
"Find your purpose and fling your life out to it. Find a way or make one. Try with all your might. Self-made or never made."
"Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I've got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible." -G.B. Shaw
"Find life experiences and swallow them whole. Travel. Meet many people. Go down some dead ends and explore dark alleys. Try everything. Exhaust yourself in the glorious pursuit of life." -Lawrence K. Fish
"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone."- Neale Donald Watson
"Young. Old. Just words." -George Burns
"May you always be blessed with walls for the wind. A roof for the rain. A warm cup of tea by the fire. Laughter to cheer you. Those you love near you. And all that your heart might desire."- Irish blessing.
"Fame is a vapor. Popularity an accident. Riches take wings. Only one thing endures and that is character."- Horace Greeley
"Avoid making irrevocable decisions while tired or hungry."- Robert Heinlein
"If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves."- Thomas Edison
"Worry is like a rocing chair. It will give you something to do, but it won't get you anywhere."
"Love is a cosmic phenomenon." -P.D. Ouspensky
"Good cooks never lack friends."
"Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult."- Charlotte Whitton
"Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast."- Oscar Wilde
"1. The path is not straight.
2. Mistakes need not be fatal.
3. People are more important than achievements or possessions.
4. Be gentle with your parents.
5. Never stop doing what you care most about.
6. Learn to use a semicolon.
7. You will find love." -Marion Winik
"Be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. In the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul."-Max Ehrmann
"Break the monotony. Do something strange and extravagant!"- Emerson
"What lies behind us, and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us."- Emerson
"You are my very greatest earthly blessing."- Martha Finley
"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirious of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars."- Jack Kerouac
"Go forth and set the world on fire."- St. Ignatius
Merry Christmas...!
My loves,
my doves,
my eggs.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
That I Would Be Good
Finding out you were wrong about someone hurts a lot.
Finding out you were right about them all along hurts even more.
Discovering that every half-hearted second chance you gave them was thrown immediately away, proving that your intuitions and bad feelings are all that person can invoke from you, is exhausting.
Recovering from the hurt and the pain takes a long time. It feels like you've had the wind completely knocked out of you. And that feeling won't go away, no matter how much you try.
that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing
that I would be loved even when I numb myself
that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
that I would be loved even when I was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy
that I would be good even if I lost sanity
that I would be good
whether with or without you
That I Would Be Good. Alanis Morissette.
Finding out you were right about them all along hurts even more.
Discovering that every half-hearted second chance you gave them was thrown immediately away, proving that your intuitions and bad feelings are all that person can invoke from you, is exhausting.
Recovering from the hurt and the pain takes a long time. It feels like you've had the wind completely knocked out of you. And that feeling won't go away, no matter how much you try.
that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing
that I would be loved even when I numb myself
that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
that I would be loved even when I was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy
that I would be good even if I lost sanity
that I would be good
whether with or without you
That I Would Be Good. Alanis Morissette.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Keys
The story of Helen Keller will always be a dear inspiration to me. Always resting close to my heart, deep within the secret nooks and hiding places of my soul.
I remember reading a children's adaptation of her story when I was little. Even then, I could recognize it's incredible magic. I never imagined one day that the impact of her story would change my life, as I knew it, forever.
I remember the day I got the phonecall from Natalie, announcing a new challenge. A new opportunity, a new dream, a new and shining chance to change our own little bit of the world, a new reason to make a difference:
A 7 week production of The Miracle Worker. With Natalie as Helen, and myself being offered the role of Annie Sullivan. Somewhere deep within my heart, despite the fear and the knowledge of the impossibility, I felt something move and I knew there was no way I could say no. Somehow I felt the gravity of the situation, I knew we were about to embark on a road that would lead us to make our own history. And we did.
Being a method actor, you don't just act the part. You are the part. You reach down inside of yourself until you find that character inside of yourself, and then you bring her out and she envelops you.
For 7 weeks, I wasn't only acting Anne Sullivan. I was Anne Sullivan. She was my every action, thought, word, feeling. To this day, almost 2 fateful years later, I still feel her presence in me. She taught me how to take a stand.
She taught me to never give up if you truly believe in something. She taught me that no matter how small a dream, or how impossible, it can be achieved if you only set your mind to it.
She gave me passion, drive, fulfillment, thirst for life, and the knowledge to differentiate between what I know I can do and what people think I can do.
She gave me Ireland.
She gave me my life-long soulmates and closest friends.
She's given me new breath into life and a new fire to live with a purpose and to write without hesitation.
What haven't I learned from her??
She gave me Natalie.
The relationship between Helen and Annie is without a doubt one of the most beautiful and unique, special relationships in all of human understanding. Natalie and I shared each other's souls for 7 whole weeks, and now we know each other's hearts and feelings like no other. Natalie inspires me more than anyone. It's not just her life story, it's how she lives. How she chooses to live, how she writes. In the aspect of being a writer, she's the only person most like myself. We share the same true passion, and she really understands what moves me the most.
I like to think we have the special relationship we do because of what we went through in the 7 week period.
We both came out of it changed people, and you don't share an experience like that with someone without giving them a piece of your soul and taking a piece of theirs with you.
In the Keller home, Helen was given the keys to all the rooms in the house so that she could never lock herself in a room with no way of getting out. When Annie moved in, Helen locked her in her room and hid the key underneath the pump outside.
At the end of the story, or in this case, the play, Helen finds the key and returns to the house. She places the key directly in Annie's hand as a final sign of love and understanding.
Last night, Natalie threw me a small birthday dinner, and it was absolutely beautiful.
On the way home, she gave me her last gift and told me to open it. Hanging from the gift bag handle was an old-fashioned key hung on a thin red ribbon.
It was a small, simple gesture, but more significant than any gift I have ever received.
That key means everything to me.
It's a reminder of Annie's strength and courage.
It's a reminder of wonderful memories shared with my favorite people.
It's a challenge to reach every single one of my dreams.
It's a keepsake of the unspoken bond and sisterhood that Natalie and I possess.
It's the key to my future.
It's the single most solitary definition of my life that could be represented by an unmoving object.
And it's a constant symbol of faith, trust, determination, dreams, and love.
All of which I learned more about in The Miracle Worker than I ever learned at one time.
All day long today, I've been thinking about that key.
Holding on to it.
It's a touchable piece of my soul, and I'm lucky to have it.
I remember reading a children's adaptation of her story when I was little. Even then, I could recognize it's incredible magic. I never imagined one day that the impact of her story would change my life, as I knew it, forever.
I remember the day I got the phonecall from Natalie, announcing a new challenge. A new opportunity, a new dream, a new and shining chance to change our own little bit of the world, a new reason to make a difference:
A 7 week production of The Miracle Worker. With Natalie as Helen, and myself being offered the role of Annie Sullivan. Somewhere deep within my heart, despite the fear and the knowledge of the impossibility, I felt something move and I knew there was no way I could say no. Somehow I felt the gravity of the situation, I knew we were about to embark on a road that would lead us to make our own history. And we did.
Being a method actor, you don't just act the part. You are the part. You reach down inside of yourself until you find that character inside of yourself, and then you bring her out and she envelops you.
For 7 weeks, I wasn't only acting Anne Sullivan. I was Anne Sullivan. She was my every action, thought, word, feeling. To this day, almost 2 fateful years later, I still feel her presence in me. She taught me how to take a stand.
She taught me to never give up if you truly believe in something. She taught me that no matter how small a dream, or how impossible, it can be achieved if you only set your mind to it.
She gave me passion, drive, fulfillment, thirst for life, and the knowledge to differentiate between what I know I can do and what people think I can do.
She gave me Ireland.
She gave me my life-long soulmates and closest friends.
She's given me new breath into life and a new fire to live with a purpose and to write without hesitation.
What haven't I learned from her??
She gave me Natalie.
The relationship between Helen and Annie is without a doubt one of the most beautiful and unique, special relationships in all of human understanding. Natalie and I shared each other's souls for 7 whole weeks, and now we know each other's hearts and feelings like no other. Natalie inspires me more than anyone. It's not just her life story, it's how she lives. How she chooses to live, how she writes. In the aspect of being a writer, she's the only person most like myself. We share the same true passion, and she really understands what moves me the most.
I like to think we have the special relationship we do because of what we went through in the 7 week period.
We both came out of it changed people, and you don't share an experience like that with someone without giving them a piece of your soul and taking a piece of theirs with you.
In the Keller home, Helen was given the keys to all the rooms in the house so that she could never lock herself in a room with no way of getting out. When Annie moved in, Helen locked her in her room and hid the key underneath the pump outside.
At the end of the story, or in this case, the play, Helen finds the key and returns to the house. She places the key directly in Annie's hand as a final sign of love and understanding.
Last night, Natalie threw me a small birthday dinner, and it was absolutely beautiful.
On the way home, she gave me her last gift and told me to open it. Hanging from the gift bag handle was an old-fashioned key hung on a thin red ribbon.
It was a small, simple gesture, but more significant than any gift I have ever received.
That key means everything to me.
It's a reminder of Annie's strength and courage.
It's a reminder of wonderful memories shared with my favorite people.
It's a challenge to reach every single one of my dreams.
It's a keepsake of the unspoken bond and sisterhood that Natalie and I possess.
It's the key to my future.
It's the single most solitary definition of my life that could be represented by an unmoving object.
And it's a constant symbol of faith, trust, determination, dreams, and love.
All of which I learned more about in The Miracle Worker than I ever learned at one time.
All day long today, I've been thinking about that key.
Holding on to it.
It's a touchable piece of my soul, and I'm lucky to have it.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
I Believe
I believe in candlelit baths. I believe in treating people with utmost respect and with the least amount of judgement possible. I believe in Celine Dion. I believe in clarity. I believe in difference of opinions, but I also believe that they shouldn't be discussed in voices raised over a loud whisper. I believe in love.
I believe in movies with dark humor. I believe in star-shaped paper lanterns from IKEA. I believe in every single Beatles' record ever created. I believe in the power of validation. I believe in acknowledging my own faults, and accepting them. I believe in doing everything you can to work on those faults. I do not believe in people's unwillingness to consider themselves at fault for anything. I believe in contemplation and self-reflection. I believe in apologizing when necessary, and sometimes even when you feel it isn't necessary.
I believe in praying- on your knees, with your hands crossed over your heart, with your arms raised high, with your eyes closed or open. I believe in traveling and learning something new every day. I believe in affirmation. I believe in the power of a beautiful black dress. I believe in going out to dinner with friends, and I believe in the sanctity of books. I believe in peace, and I believe in never giving up hope that it can be achieved.
I believe in JD Salinger, because every word I've read from his novels or short stories has spoken to me unlike the words of any other author. I believe in truth, and I believe absolutely everyone deserves to hear the truth even if means fessing up to your worst sins. I do not believe in lying. I believe in the freedom of speech, as long as you say what you feel intelligently and respectfully. I do not believe in yelling. I one-hundred percent do not believe in violence. I believe you always have the power to walk away.
I believe in Whitney Houston. I believe in dancing around your room after midnight to "Are You Gonna Be My Girl?" by JET. I believe in emulating Audrey Hepburn and honoring Marilyn Monroe. I believe in doing everything possible to proserve, respect, conserve and protect our environment and the world God has so graciously blessed us with.
I believe in crying while watching Animal Planet. I believe in blogging. I believe in quilts. I believe in acting, writing, analyzing and cooking. I believe music alone is a perfectly good reason for to live. I believe in telling people you love them. I believe in dreams. I believe in chapstick and hand lotion and shaving cream.
I believe in Christmas trees. I believe in Neverland and Peter Pan. I really do.
I believe that fairytales are real, and I believe miracles happen all the time. I have faith in humanity. I believe everything happens for a reason, and that destiny is real. I believe in some superstitions for the sake of tradition.
I believe in loudly singing the songs from Fiddler on the Roof with your best friend in the car. I believe in weekly Family nights.
I believe in giving your best. I also believe in making mistakes. I do not believe in making the same mistake twice. I believe in taking long walks. I believe in vanilla soy lattes from Starbucks. I believe in Target and Old Navy and Gap. I believe in live music. I believe knowing when to say enough is enough.
I believe in my shallow appreciation for cute, blonde surfers with VW buses.
I believe in harmless fun. I do not believe in drugs. I believe in alcohol, but nothing in excess.
I believe in taking care of people.
I believe in God.
I believe in clean, fresh sheets and I believe in photographs.
I believe in hearing stories. I believe that books should not be banned. I believe that people alone are responsible for their actions, although some things can influence them. I believe in voicing what you believe in, and I believe in the fact that you may not agree with me on any of these things.
I believe that I'm okay with that.
I believe that you should be too.
I believe in movies with dark humor. I believe in star-shaped paper lanterns from IKEA. I believe in every single Beatles' record ever created. I believe in the power of validation. I believe in acknowledging my own faults, and accepting them. I believe in doing everything you can to work on those faults. I do not believe in people's unwillingness to consider themselves at fault for anything. I believe in contemplation and self-reflection. I believe in apologizing when necessary, and sometimes even when you feel it isn't necessary.
I believe in praying- on your knees, with your hands crossed over your heart, with your arms raised high, with your eyes closed or open. I believe in traveling and learning something new every day. I believe in affirmation. I believe in the power of a beautiful black dress. I believe in going out to dinner with friends, and I believe in the sanctity of books. I believe in peace, and I believe in never giving up hope that it can be achieved.
I believe in JD Salinger, because every word I've read from his novels or short stories has spoken to me unlike the words of any other author. I believe in truth, and I believe absolutely everyone deserves to hear the truth even if means fessing up to your worst sins. I do not believe in lying. I believe in the freedom of speech, as long as you say what you feel intelligently and respectfully. I do not believe in yelling. I one-hundred percent do not believe in violence. I believe you always have the power to walk away.
I believe in Whitney Houston. I believe in dancing around your room after midnight to "Are You Gonna Be My Girl?" by JET. I believe in emulating Audrey Hepburn and honoring Marilyn Monroe. I believe in doing everything possible to proserve, respect, conserve and protect our environment and the world God has so graciously blessed us with.
I believe in crying while watching Animal Planet. I believe in blogging. I believe in quilts. I believe in acting, writing, analyzing and cooking. I believe music alone is a perfectly good reason for to live. I believe in telling people you love them. I believe in dreams. I believe in chapstick and hand lotion and shaving cream.
I believe in Christmas trees. I believe in Neverland and Peter Pan. I really do.
I believe that fairytales are real, and I believe miracles happen all the time. I have faith in humanity. I believe everything happens for a reason, and that destiny is real. I believe in some superstitions for the sake of tradition.
I believe in loudly singing the songs from Fiddler on the Roof with your best friend in the car. I believe in weekly Family nights.
I believe in giving your best. I also believe in making mistakes. I do not believe in making the same mistake twice. I believe in taking long walks. I believe in vanilla soy lattes from Starbucks. I believe in Target and Old Navy and Gap. I believe in live music. I believe knowing when to say enough is enough.
I believe in my shallow appreciation for cute, blonde surfers with VW buses.
I believe in harmless fun. I do not believe in drugs. I believe in alcohol, but nothing in excess.
I believe in taking care of people.
I believe in God.
I believe in clean, fresh sheets and I believe in photographs.
I believe in hearing stories. I believe that books should not be banned. I believe that people alone are responsible for their actions, although some things can influence them. I believe in voicing what you believe in, and I believe in the fact that you may not agree with me on any of these things.
I believe that I'm okay with that.
I believe that you should be too.
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