Let it be known lovers that today, Friday the 10th of February, 2012, at 2:03 in the afternoon, I have opened my manuscript. I have the friend-edited paper copy sitting next to me, and the revision in progress on my computer as we speak.
I've just reread my first two pages.
I can't even explain the love.
It's not that I'm particularly proud of the verbage I've chosen, or the syntax in which the verbs and nouns and pronouns and adjectives all fall together. I don't feel proud of her for the sake of pride. I feel proud of her because she is my own. I have birthed this precious baby from my own mind, and even though others may find her ugly or ungainly, to me she is the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on.
I love her so much. I would sacrifice so much for this daughter of mine. That's what she is to me. She is my child, I am her mother. I love her with a sacrificial, unconditional love, and I will always strive to protect her, and nurture her.
Looking at her again, watching her grow and take on a life of her own, is breathing life into me.
I feel suddenly like I'm living life again, all the way to the fullest, just by looking at her.
I created her. I created her.
But really, I think sometimes our roles are secretly reversed, and in some ways, she's created me.
I have no words to describe the love a creator feels for her art, her work, her physical expression of a deep love that nobody else can truly know.
It is for this express purpose that I go on creating, I go on writing. I can't stop. I must forge ahead. That love runs deep, and the gratification is soul healing.
One of my favorite quotes of all time is by one of my favorite playwrights of all time, Tennessee Williams. I read in passing an excerpt from one of his personal diaries, and I fell instantly in love. Underlined three times he boasted in capital letters at the end of a journal entry, "I want to go on creating. I WILL!!!"
He captures that fire, that need so well. It's basic, it's primal, it's animalistic.
It's more than a desire, it's a lifetime of sheer will. It's trial and error and inevitable heartbreak, but it's a lifetime of incomparable reward and I am so blessed to be living it.
On another note, I have a message for a few very important people.
-Mom, dad, I know you're reading this, and so I want you to do something for me.
I want you to take down the quotes on the fridge that are probably still up from the last time I was home, and I want you to put new ones up for me.
I want you to put that Tennessee Williams quote up. (That one is for me)
I also want you to put up two more.
I want you to put up "Preach the gospel at all times. And when necessary, use words." -St. Francis of Assisi (This is one is for dad)
And lastly, I want you to put this one up. "A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave."- Mahatma Gandhi. (This one is for mom)
I'm praying over these quotes for us this week. I don't know why, it just seems like a good thing to do.
Now, I must sever all delays and get back to my baby.
Stay strong, lovers. Never give up hope.
Wishing you all the creativity and freedom of expression in this world, along with an endless bounty of chocolate chips.
Xx,
Hannah
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