Yesterday was a mission.
It was one of those horrible days when no matter how many times you fix your hair, or force a smile, you still feel like the ugliest person on the face of the planet. It was also incredibly blustery and ugly weather-wise and the fact that I had my first day of "last class of the year!" blues, I wasn't in a great mood by three'o'clock yesterday afternoon.
Feeling especially fat and unattractive after seeing myself in the mirror wearing sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt, my mom asks me to go shopping with her. I went. Mistake. The past week or so, we've been trying to find a dress for my graduation, and yesterday she wanted to try some more. Honestly, if you're having a day where you feel unsightly and like you shouldn't be allowed in public, don't go shopping for a graduation dress. It's awful.
Bemoaning the fact that I still had to wake up the next morning and the next morning after that, we left the store and mom took off to work. I was alone. This was wonderful. I've been having one of those weeks where I just am better off being alone, and not just "at- home-in -my- room- alone". I need to be "alone- without -a -single -familiar -face -in -a -five-mile -radius" kind of alone. It's almost unbearable to be around people during some parts of these weeks- I really have to hold it in to be civil and polite to others. So anyways, being alone calms me down a lot. I become very domestic when I'm alone. I started my laundry, and made plans to clean the bathroom when I was done with my other tasks. *it didn't exactly get done. Tomorrow, I say.* I got some homework done, and then I made dinner. Roast beef with mashed potatoes and homemade gravy. This could just be the food-lover inside of me talking, but there's something about being in a kitchen that just puts everything else into perspective. I think its because everything has a purpose and a place to go, and I'm in charge of making those purposes fulfilled and placing those things where they need to go. Dinner was delicious, and it was at this time that I sat down with my dad to watch a VH1 Behind the Music on Meat Loaf. An hour passed. I cleaned the kitchen and began to bake my grandmother's sour cream chocolate cake recipe for my Lit. teacher, as today was my last class. I've taken her classes for three years.
Once again in the kitchen, things just made sense. Left and right. In goes the flour and the sugar and the melted chocolate, the butter the sour cream and the baking powder. While it was baking, I decided to combat my feelings of sluggishness by doing an hour of yoga. High to low push-up, upward-dog cobra, downward facing dog flow. repeat. Namaste. Then, as the cake was cooling, the inner domestic goddess came out and demanded to be worshipped. So, I rotated the laundry again, spruced up the kitchen, and the upstairs bathroom. Then, I stole a few extra candles out of the downstairs cupboard and lit four or five of them in my bathroom, put on a playlist of my favorite sexy songs, and took a nice, long hot shower. I shaved my legs. I broke in a new bottle of body lotion. I was on top of the world by that point.
I traipsed downstairs, after re-sprucing the bathroom again, to check on the cake. It wouldn't come out of the pans. Drat. I've done this once, and I've done this a thousand times. I leave the cake in the cakepan too long and it becomes stuck. I try everything to get it out. I run a knife around the edges of the cake to seperate it from the sides of the pan. I turn it over and bang the butt end of a knife against the bottom trying to shake it out. I even turn the oven back on to warm it back up, in hopes that it would just slide out. No success. By this time, my inner goddess is no longer in control. My inner hellion is starting to surface. She is a force to be reckoned with, for sure.
I end up getting a tad bit frustrated, and my cake splits....breaks... and tumbles all over the counter in a large mess of crumbled chocolate. My spirits break. I start to hyperventilate.. It was nearing 9:30 P.M.
All I wanted to do was watch New Moon and go to bed at a decent time. Fate had other plans, it would seem. My dear mother calmed me down, and I had no choice but to shake out the other cake layer, wash out the pans, and start over. So. At 10:15 P.M. I am finally out of the kitchen, and ready to laugh at the cheesiness of another Twilight movie. Oh, how wrong I was. For another two and a half hours, I sat, stupefied in front of the screen. I was so mad by the end I could have strangled something. What a waste of my time. I'm not going to go into the details right now, I'm too horrified, but I do have one thing to say, and it is this: whoever was in charge of casting, you are an idiot. How hard is it to find a Jacob Black who actually LOOKS Native American? Honestly. Taylor Pretty-Boy-Whatsisface doesn't even look Indian. You are a horrible casting director, and you fail miserably at life. Oh, and your makeup crew? Did you hire them in the dark? Um... because they are tragically unfortunate and not talented at all.
Don't even get me started on the fake muscles, melodrama, and bad acting. I am prone to go on for hours.
In short, my evening did not go as well as I should have hoped, but it was definitely an experience. Amongst other things: tomorrow is my last day of high school.
I am rather emotional right now, and I'm not really sure how to manifest these feelings. I'm not sure where they belong in the "creative outlet" department. I was going to do some more yoga, but I'm a little sore from yesterday, plus I ran this morning and I think I'll just take the night off.
I just can't believe it's over. I mean, I'm so excited. Honestly, I didn't even think I was going to be sad at all. I haven't suffered a bit of "senior-itis" all year. I've been too thrilled to "escape the hell-hole" to even realize that I'm actually leaving... But now, on my last night of being a kid, I'm realizing how much of my life has been changed and shaped in the past four years. I guess it's all a part of growing up. Still, life is exciting, isn't it? There's always something coming around the corner that makes us want to keep on living. It's a beautiful thing. :)
Well, wish me luck.
Tomorrow I'm saying goodbye to a world of people, classes, memories, emotions, hurt, love, tragedy and drama.
Look at me, talking about how much I despise melodrama and here I am making a huge deal out of nothing. I am a horrible hypocrit.
That's all for now, kids.
Sweet dreams!
P.S. The cake turned out beautifully. It was delicious. :)
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