Afraid Today

I'm afraid today, and I don't know what I'm afraid of.
... they make it sound so glamorous in the movies, but its not. It's really not.

I go through these fits every so often. Some days I just wake up and I'm terrified.
I'm stressed, I'm tired and I'm frustrated.
They say that those feelings stem from either pain or fear.
I'm not in any great pain right now, physical or emotional.
I'm just afraid, that's all.
I can identify what I'm feeling. I can be aware of my emotions.
I know how to handle these feelings because I have correctly identified them.
But I don't know why they're here.
And that shoots all that other stuff straight to hell.

They say that depressed people see the world in a clearer light.
People who are depressed see truth...I think I can safely agree with that.
I'm not seeing much of anything right now, though.
There's nothing but a whole lot of "What if's?" floating around in my brain, scaring me half to death. I guess that's because I'm not depressed.
I'm sad, and I'm scared, but I'm not depressed.
Like I said, these days come and go. I doubt I have them anymore than anyone else does.
I'm used to these fits. But they make it awfully hard to deal with reality when you've succumbed to their numbness. I know tomorrow will be completely different.
I might even be better by this afternoon, but for right now, it's hard to concentrate on anything else but this fear.



"I need something else/
would someone please just give me/
hit me, knock me out/
so I can go back to sleep/
I can laugh all I want/
inside I still am empty/
so deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me...I.../
I'll be just fine/
pretending I'm not/
I'm far from lonely/
and it's all that I've got."
All That I've Got- The Used