Today

I woke up at 4:30 this morning to put my sister and niece on a plane back to Florida after a two-week visit.

I cried and cried and cried all day long yesterday and this morning and now it is 2:15 in the afternoon and I'm simply too tired to cry anymore.
Everytime someone I love comes and goes in my life, I ask myself why on earth do I want to move so far away from home?

Then I realize the real reason. If you aren't the one to leave in the first place, you're always going to be the one left behind. At least if you're the one who is leaving, you have something to look forward to whether you're visiting your family or going home to your life.

I do, however, refuse to believe that goodbyes only get easier. They don't.

Goodbyes are the worst part of life, and they're inescapable.
How fatally depressing is that?

I guess if you never get the chance to say goodbye to someone, you never really get the chance to show them how much you care. But it still sucks.

After we left the airport, we went to breakfast. 7 AM is undoubtedly the earliest I have ever been seated at a restaurant awaiting my food. I was only reminded once again of the healing power of pancakes and hashbrowns and a strong cup of coffee. I really truly believe I've found the secret to life, here. I can't even imagine what a rainy morning at the coast would do if you added it to the equation. Imagine being tucked up in a sleepy beach house with pancakes on the griddle, and a steaming mug in your hands, raindrops meeting waves outside your windows, Brandi Carlile in the background. Oh, the healing power of simplicity.

I can't wait for the day when that will be my life. I've thought about it so much, it feels like a memory.

I'm going to see this when I look out my window, someday.

And I'm going to see this on my way to work, someday.

And this? This is going to feel like home, someday.

It's all going to be part of my story, someday.

My own story.

My home, my writing, my Donegal. My life, my song, my joy. My heartache, my homesickness, my laughter.

One of my favorite Brandi Carlile songs (which I've been heavily overdosing on the past 24 hours) is Before it Breaks. I wish I could share just one line and leave it at that, but it can't be done. The whole sung must be shared. Anyways, it reminds me of today, and it reminds me of my own story and my life to come, in Ireland, by the sea, writing and living and stumbling and laughing and loving my way through the pages of life.

Around here, it's the hardest time of year
Waking up, the days are even gone
The collar of my coat, Lord help me, cannot help the cold
The raindrops sting my eyes, I keep them closed

But I'm feelin' no pain
I'm a little lonely and my quietest friend
Have I the moonlight? Have I let you in?

Say it ain't so, say I'm happy again
Say it's over, say I'm dreaming
Say I'm better than you left me
Say you're sorry, I can take it

Say you'll wait, say you won't
Say you love me, say you don't
I can make my own mistakes
Let it bend before it breaks

I'm alright, don't I seem to be?
Aren't I swinging on the stars? Don't I wear them on my sleeves?
Went looking for a crossroads, it happens everyday
And whichever way you turn, I'm gonna turn the other way

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yY3blVKAlyY

I'm learning to let it bend before it breaks.