-Tomorrow Never Comes a Day Too Soon- Flogging Molly
Sometimes, all I do is spend time worrying about what the future will bring. I'm analyzing every aspect of the present, wondering how it will change in the years to come, wondering who will be in my life that isn't now, and also who it is in my life now that will be missing in the future.
I waste precious moments of today, dreaming and longing for tomorrow. I distress over where I want to live, how I will end up there, who will come with me, where I will work, how I will make ends meet and if I'll ever fall in love while I'm away from home.
Will I be able to write as much as I want to? Will I be able to breathe as much as I want to?
Will there be sufficient space for my dog I plan to adopt when I move out?
Will I be able to come back and visit often?
Will I miss my family? Will I never come home to live in Oregon again?
Will I really be by the ocean in Ireland?
Will I get there in the next five years, or will it take my entire life to get there?
Am I being unrealistic?
Am I really sure that's what I truly want?
Am I going to be okay on my own?
Constantly, incessantly, in and out, in and out, in and out of every day this is what I do.
When does it end?
It doesn't. It should, and today I realized it will.
I was at work tonight, flitting about in the usual Friday night dinner rush, wrapping silverware here, busing tables there, taking names at the door, watching the clock, planning every next move, eyeing the seated tables and guessing how much time would pass before I could give their table to a new party, etc. I was tired, but I was very busy, so I didn't really notice.
I remember vaguely thinking at one point, "Will I always be this lucky at finding jobs?" I didn't even realize then how lucky I really was.
8:15 rolled around and the restaurant was completely full. One of my bosses, (I have three), Kyle sauntered up to me and asked me what I thought in regards to clocking out. I told him it was up to him. He told me to stick around for a little while longer, as all the tables in the restaurant were still full, and if anybody walked through the door I'd have to resurrect the waiting list.
My other boss Patty, Kyle's mom, was sitting at the counter chatting with a couple of regulars who come in every Friday (and most Saturdays). She called me over and told me to come and join their little band of conversation, saying, "If anybody walks in you'll see them," with a merry twinkle in her eye. So I did.
We laughed and talked and Patty and I told them the story of how I came to work there, and Patty said lovely, nice things about my work ethic, and my personality. They asked what my plans for school were. I told them I wanted to be a writer, they smiled and Patty was surprised and excited.
Then we started talking about Thanskgiving, and she said that she was spending it with her two sons (You guessed it, Eric is the other son and my other boss) and a few more of the employees who don't really have anywhere to go. I was struck by this, and momentarily reflected on just how much of a family they all are. We all are.
Then she asked me if my family was doing something, in a roundabout way of making sure that I had somewhere to go on Thanksgiving.
Wyatt, one of the servers, brought Patty her Caprese salad that she had ordered. She immediately demanded me to go grab a plate because she invariably insists on sharing all of her food with me when she gets it. I told her I loved her because she always shares with me and she laughed. I went and got a plate and she put the basil, tomatoes and mozarella cheese with bread cubes on my plate and after I had finished it, she ensured I had second helpings of her delicious salad. She wouldn't take no for an answer. :)
She told me that tomorrow she's going to train me to start taking to-go orders over the phone, and how to work the digital dining computers we have, because it's high time I take on more responsibilities rather than just standing by the door, waiting for customers. I'm really excited for that.
After I clocked out, ordered a pizza and had a few minutes to myself, drinking cocoa and reading about Alexander Pushkin, I went to thank her again for sharing some of her salad and to tell her and the regulars goodbye and that it was nice to talk to them again.
She pulled me in for a hug, and then said she'd see me tomorrow.
She's like a mom to everyone, and I love that about her.
I walked to the car and I realized that I don't need to worry about what the future will bring, because I have an amazing life right now. If you waste too much time thinking about tomorrow, you'll miss the blessing of today entirely, and I'm done doing that.
I also don't need to worry about how it will all come together, because God will inevitably provide for me, just the way he's done here with the most amazing first job anyone could ever have.
He's given me yet another family, in a place I honestly can say I did not expect to find one. That's what your workplace should be, I think. Warm, and comforting and familial and full of love, of hope.
I'm always going to be okay, you know?
No matter how much I worry, or how much life hurts sometimes, I'm always going to have something to hold onto.
Someone to hold onto. Whether it's a sister, a parent, a close friend, a lover, a cousin or even an employer.
I'm ready for my thirst for life to be driven by today, not by tomorrow.
I'm just going to soak up the time I have left in this place until it's time to leave.
I'm blessed, and I'm thankful that I get to love going to work every night.
It's good to be reminded of all that we take for granted.
It keeps us grounded. It keeps us human.
Goodnight....
Sweet dreams. :)
This touched my soul, Hannah. I mean that.
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